Huzzah

Today I was told that I photograph beautifully, it made my day! I think every woman needs to hear that once in awhile, as a reminder that we are beautiful daughters of God.

That's all.

Words of Wisdom

Recently a friend of mine has been going through a confusing time in his life, after he posted another bleak sounding status update on Facebook, I decided to put in my two cents. I was pretty impressed with my analogy & thought I'd share it with whoever still reads this blog.

If it makes you feel any better, remember that NO ONE has a clue about what's going on. That's why we're here on earth, if we were perfect & understood everything that happens in our life we'd already be perfected beings. And if anyone says they know what's going on or have things in order, then they don't realize that a huge wave is brewing behind them & about to throw them off their board. At least you're trying to keep your balance no matter how choppy the water may be... Just continue to hold onto your board (aka testimony/the gospel/your friends) & you'll be able to surf the great pipe of life & make it back to shore alright. But in the meantime, just try to enjoy the rises & dips as best as you can

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on...

The most exciting thing I can blog about that doesn't need to be posted on the joint account is that I decided to be daring and try something new and completely different with my hair. So I had my stylist cut about 7 inches from the bottom and leave my bangs alone so I can grow them out. I'm still trying to train them to stay out of my face, but until they grow out a bit more I think I'm stuck with having to clip them away from my face. I'll post pictures as soon as I take some, but it looks kinda like this (just a little past my collar bone instead of at my shoulder).

I really like it, and so far so does everyone else when they see it. But my hair is not the only thing that has changed though. I've been TRYING to be a lot more patient with people and in the process I have learned to be kinder too. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since I've said something to purposely annoy or offend someone, so that's a ginormous step for me-the queen of brusqueness and instigation. I think because of my efforts to be more sociable (particularly with other women), for instance by joining the Little Black Dress Society set up by my friend Pam and agreeing to participate as a Brown Eyed model for a Mary Kay representative I feel like more opportunities are presenting themselves to me. And that more women are interested in becoming my friend, something I've discovered that isn't as bad as I remember. I'm also interested in joining Heritage Makers as a Consultant, it's something I can do from home on my days off from DJing, but it will take effort to kickstart considering my income would depend on my sales and in order to sell I need clients.

So all in all I feel that this has been a good, positive start to 2010, and I believe that it's because I chose to start it with a healthier attitude. Because as the saying goes, life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I'm choosing to keep negativity as far away from me as possible. But these are not New Year's resolutions, I'm making the effort to change my LIFE.

Writing It Down

Being unique is a very sharp double edged sword. I hope that when we have children that they are secure with who they are and don't seek approval from anyone (besides their Heavenly Father). Sounds a little crazy I know because that means they very likely won't seek our approval either, but I want them to be happy with themselves. If they're not comfortable with who they are or don't like the talents they've been blessed with, then I'm afraid that they won't be honest with themselves and end up sacrificing being happy.

My mom never had expectations for me, she never dreamt that one day I'd be a famous actress or pressured me to marry someone I didn't love just because "he comes from a respectable (note: extremely wealthy) family". All she wished for was that I have faith in Christ, treated others with respect and marry a man that would take care of and love me unconditionally. She let me be myself despite the fact that I was her one and only child. What that meant for her was sacrificing a "pretty in pink" little girl. I never wanted to be a princess when I was younger, I pretended I was a vampire instead (yes, somewhere there are pictures to prove it), I had Ninja Turtle bed sheets instead of Strawberry Shortcake. When I was older I preferred helping my Grandpa work on cars and do heavy yard work instead of watching shows like Dawson's Creek or 7th Heaven.

This doesn't mean that I've never been feminine, I just never really was girly. After attending my wards Enrichment Night/Young Women's activity I was reminded of WHY I don't have too many girl friends. Not to get into specifics other than I felt completely excluded by the women I shared a table with, I left the meeting in a funk whether I wanted to admit it or not. So after hours of trying to get me to talk about what was bothering me, Russ finally succeeded. He wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on my head before literally sweeping me off of my feet and carrying me over to the couch. He continued to hold me while we talked about it, I ranted about how much I hate girls, then I cried over how it's my fault I don't get along with other women. And this is what he said:

If you were like them I wouldn't have married you. A guy can marry a girl and there'd still be millions of other girls that are just like her. You aren't a silly girl and that's why I love you. That doesn't mean that you're not feminine, because you still enjoy doing things like trying out recipes, sewing things and looking nice. You cultivate your womanhood instead of acting like you're still in high school. I bet none of the older women there were involved with the conversations you were excluded from were they? You may not fit in with the girls our age, but you are respected by women like our moms. You have to take into account that you were raised differently, your upbringing was the same as our parents and grandparents so you're values are different from the younger generation. You can carry on a conversation with them about things that don't interest you, or go out with them on girl nights, but none of that would make you happy, because that's not interesting to you. It's not part of who you are.

That's all I needed to hear to remember why I should be proud of who I am. I'm not better than anyone else, but I'm not worse either. I just need a reminder every now and then.

SO! My point is, I want my kids to never let other people affect how they feel about themselves. If they do, they'll always have a wonderful, sweet dad to help them remember they are special.

Let's Dust This Off

I haven't written anything since before we got married. For me, that is too long to go without expressing myself creatively. I worried about it after month 3 of not writing, Russ said maybe I no longer have anything to say since most of what I wrote about was speculative and a bit angsty. But now I think I'm being challenged. I kind of took for granted my writing ability because words have always come so easily to me, but of course it's easy to write about broken hearts, watching someone conquer an addiction or being misunderstood by everyone. What's not easy is taking an everyday thing like being happy with yourself or telling someone you love them through a lyrical story. So, I think this is a test, I've always written brooding lyrics but now it's time for me to step up and write about something else. This is where I prove to myself that I really am a talented writer, that I am diverse and have flexibility. Maybe then I will be confident enough to take the steps towards publishing my work.