Writing It Down

Being unique is a very sharp double edged sword. I hope that when we have children that they are secure with who they are and don't seek approval from anyone (besides their Heavenly Father). Sounds a little crazy I know because that means they very likely won't seek our approval either, but I want them to be happy with themselves. If they're not comfortable with who they are or don't like the talents they've been blessed with, then I'm afraid that they won't be honest with themselves and end up sacrificing being happy.

My mom never had expectations for me, she never dreamt that one day I'd be a famous actress or pressured me to marry someone I didn't love just because "he comes from a respectable (note: extremely wealthy) family". All she wished for was that I have faith in Christ, treated others with respect and marry a man that would take care of and love me unconditionally. She let me be myself despite the fact that I was her one and only child. What that meant for her was sacrificing a "pretty in pink" little girl. I never wanted to be a princess when I was younger, I pretended I was a vampire instead (yes, somewhere there are pictures to prove it), I had Ninja Turtle bed sheets instead of Strawberry Shortcake. When I was older I preferred helping my Grandpa work on cars and do heavy yard work instead of watching shows like Dawson's Creek or 7th Heaven.

This doesn't mean that I've never been feminine, I just never really was girly. After attending my wards Enrichment Night/Young Women's activity I was reminded of WHY I don't have too many girl friends. Not to get into specifics other than I felt completely excluded by the women I shared a table with, I left the meeting in a funk whether I wanted to admit it or not. So after hours of trying to get me to talk about what was bothering me, Russ finally succeeded. He wrapped his arms around me and planted a kiss on my head before literally sweeping me off of my feet and carrying me over to the couch. He continued to hold me while we talked about it, I ranted about how much I hate girls, then I cried over how it's my fault I don't get along with other women. And this is what he said:

If you were like them I wouldn't have married you. A guy can marry a girl and there'd still be millions of other girls that are just like her. You aren't a silly girl and that's why I love you. That doesn't mean that you're not feminine, because you still enjoy doing things like trying out recipes, sewing things and looking nice. You cultivate your womanhood instead of acting like you're still in high school. I bet none of the older women there were involved with the conversations you were excluded from were they? You may not fit in with the girls our age, but you are respected by women like our moms. You have to take into account that you were raised differently, your upbringing was the same as our parents and grandparents so you're values are different from the younger generation. You can carry on a conversation with them about things that don't interest you, or go out with them on girl nights, but none of that would make you happy, because that's not interesting to you. It's not part of who you are.

That's all I needed to hear to remember why I should be proud of who I am. I'm not better than anyone else, but I'm not worse either. I just need a reminder every now and then.

SO! My point is, I want my kids to never let other people affect how they feel about themselves. If they do, they'll always have a wonderful, sweet dad to help them remember they are special.