Drama, Drama, Drama

Drama. When does anyone grow tired of having it in their life? I lost interest around the time I turned 18. But somehow it insists on following me around like a yappy little dog circling my ankles. And like a yappy little dog, no matter how hard I may try to avoid it, sometimes I trip over it and sometimes it bites me. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to lose it for a while, but eventually it finds me again and I'm forced to keep my eyes down instead of up where they should be so I don't trip or get bitten again. Because for some reason, kicking it away from me doesn't help. It only comes back angrier and more apt to hurt me in a debilitating way.

I've said it before but I'll say it again. I'm not perfect. I have many flaws. But I'm not the devil, I'm not the worst person in the world; not even close to it. But for a reason I can't figure out, there are a group of people who would have anyone who hangs around them long enough to believe that I am indeed, EVIL. I don't know what I did to any of them, but I wish they'd leave me alone. More than that, I wish they'd leave my husband out of their plots to tear me down. He loves me for who I am, just as I am. He doesn't love me despite my flaws, he loves me BECAUSE of my flaws. He doesn't want to hear from bitter women how terrible, psychotic, insecure and unhappy I am (yes, those are direct quotes). It's not that he wants to turn a blind eye to my imperfections, it's that he is the one person who has seen me from every aspect and knows who I really am. To quote Avatar "he SEES ME". These people who have nothing but venomous words to spit at me are freaking LUCKY he controls himself, because you can bet they'd be left speechless and crying after he got finished with them. I am so blessed to have not only a loving, protective husband. But to have so many loving friends who have stood by me despite my weaknesses and despite what anyone tells them about me. Because in the end, only my true friends know what kind of a person I really am.

Ob-la-di, ob-la-da life goes on...

The most exciting thing I can blog about that doesn't need to be posted on the joint account is that I decided to be daring and try something new and completely different with my hair. So I had my stylist cut about 7 inches from the bottom and leave my bangs alone so I can grow them out. I'm still trying to train them to stay out of my face, but until they grow out a bit more I think I'm stuck with having to clip them away from my face. I'll post pictures as soon as I take some, but it looks kinda like this (just a little past my collar bone instead of at my shoulder).

I really like it, and so far so does everyone else when they see it. But my hair is not the only thing that has changed though. I've been TRYING to be a lot more patient with people and in the process I have learned to be kinder too. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since I've said something to purposely annoy or offend someone, so that's a ginormous step for me-the queen of brusqueness and instigation. I think because of my efforts to be more sociable (particularly with other women), for instance by joining the Little Black Dress Society set up by my friend Pam and agreeing to participate as a Brown Eyed model for a Mary Kay representative I feel like more opportunities are presenting themselves to me. And that more women are interested in becoming my friend, something I've discovered that isn't as bad as I remember. I'm also interested in joining Heritage Makers as a Consultant, it's something I can do from home on my days off from DJing, but it will take effort to kickstart considering my income would depend on my sales and in order to sell I need clients.

So all in all I feel that this has been a good, positive start to 2010, and I believe that it's because I chose to start it with a healthier attitude. Because as the saying goes, life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it. I'm choosing to keep negativity as far away from me as possible. But these are not New Year's resolutions, I'm making the effort to change my LIFE.