My life the romance novel

Have you ever watched someone mature in the literal sense of the word? One day you’re with someone and they’re all sunshine and laughter, maybe a little awkward when it comes to dealing with certain situations… But the next time you spend time with them all of a sudden they have a more controlled and self-assured air about them that is mildly impressive?

I’ve known the current male protagonist of my story for only two years now (though it feels longer) and I’m pleased with the change he’s recently gone through. He seems more like the person I knew he could be when I first met him, who I THOUGHT he was before I began to spend more time with him. When we first went out I’d compare him to Jacob Black (Read: Twilight) undergoing the same strange growth spurt (personality wise) that Jake did in New Moon, and now I’d compare him to a nice combination of Edward and Jacob. We’ve dated casually off and on without any awkward moments between the off times, but have always remained friends to each other no matter what. We have had many conversations about his own love life and lack of confidence, not knowing if he ever secretly yet openly included me whenever he talked about letting the good ones get away.

Sometimes I am so sure that he is interested in me as more than a friend and other times I have to stop and second guess everything between us. He’s an extremely friendly and warm person who goes out of his way to make someone comfortable or feel better. He never puts anyone down or denies helping someone in need, at least that’s the side I have always seen from him. But what if everything he does is his way of saying “I really like you” instead of “you’re a good friend and I want to help you out”?

Some of our friends say he needs to “grow a pair” when it comes to dating me, but what if it’s the other way around? What if knowing how he is I should be the one to “grow a pair” and clear up the cloud between us. After all, this is a new day and age right? The assertive behavior exerted by men back in the day is now acceptable for women to do as well so why not? The thought of putting myself out there like that kind of freaks me out a bit since if he doesn’t like me after all then what if I ruin our friendship? As much as I would like to see things progress with him I’d rather keep him has a friend than lose him completely. I guess the only thing I can do now is to contemplate just how badly I want this to work out… Is it worth the risk of losing his friendship or will everything be okay no matter what?

My favorite priesthood leader and I had a little chat back in June while we were up at Girl’s Camp this year about my life and more importantly my dating progress. I wouldn’t say he scolded me at one point but he did make it clear that I have not always been smart in regards to my actions involving these guys. I tried to play cool with all the casual dates I’d been on but he mentioned that if I was trying to fool myself into believing that noone is getting attached it wouldn’t work. Obviously if I’d been asked on a second or third date the seed of romantic intrigue had already been planted. Oops… So that made me think… How many dates have I been on with the men I’ve surrounded myself with? How many dates after our first failed attempt did I continue to go on with my current male protagonist? Maybe it won’t hurt to get him alone and ask him how he really feels…

Come September 15th it’ll be exactly two years since our first date. AW how precious right? *gag* By the way don’t ask me how I know the exact date of when we first started going out (though it has been off and on and off again), I just have a freakish memory and getting confirming facts was not a hard thing to do.

Advice would be a welcome thing right about now, so please comment and advise me what I should do or if you need more details let me know.


Your Heroin(e)