Family Ties

I've recently allowed myself to reach out to family members I haven't heard from in years... boy, that's a trip. It's funny when you think you've become de-sensitized to hearing about the drama in their lives, but hearing about it through a 3rd party & actually being told by the sufferer are two completely different reactions. I'm sad to have cheated myself out of being a part of their lives for so long, but who knows whether or not it was for the best (in regards to my sanity). I don't know if it's because I've gotten older or whether it's because Russ is my emotional kryptonite, but I've been very compassionate towards loved ones. Whereas before I had a wall around my heart where they were concerned. I think it's a combination of growing up & being with Russ, but I think it's also because I'm at the point in my life where I am starting to understand the word family. Eventually I'm going to have my very own little family & I want them to have the best of everything, the best nutrition, the best examples, a safe environment etc. But I also want them to understand where their mother comes from, what experiences I've had that have caused me to become who I am. I don't want them to judge others for mistakes they've made or turn up their noses at people who are different than them. I think the only way for them to really experience & appreciate what's going on around them is to be included in maybe the not so ideal of circumstances. My family swears, drinks, smokes (both kinds), listens to inappropriate music is tattooed & look all around rough. But they're respectful, non-judgmental, quick to laugh, they love deeply & most importantly... they're fighters. I want my children to be a part of that, in addition to understanding the gospel plan & their duty to God. They need to know that it's okay to be a little imperfect as long as you are always striving to be worthy of perfection, but that there's a difference between weakening your spirit intentionally (through vice) & strenghtening your testimony (through righteous living). They won't be able to really comprehend what making choices contrary to the Lord's commandments will do to your life until they've seen it first hand, & I don't know about you, but I would rather they see it in a safer environment like a family gathering than a ride along with dad. This life is full of trials & they'll need that determination & strength to endure temptations & any hard times they'll face.